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Talking to Children About Terrorism and Armed Conflict
by Judith A. Myers-Walls
War is devastating to children.In the past decade, UNICEF has estimated that
more than three million children have been killed in armed conflict.At least six million have been seriously injured
or permanently disabled . Although
the impact on those children who live in war zones is most severe and damaging,
there are consequences for children all over the world, whether they become
aware of and concerned about the conflict or not (Myers-Walls).
p>The events of
Help children deal with initial reactions
Mass media make tragedies and disasters present and real almost everywhere
around the world immediately after they occur.Some children watched the events of September
11 all day at school with no interpretation or explanation.Even children who had only
minimal contact with the event had questions and were confused.This is true of children's understanding of
many wars and international conflicts (Myers-Bowman, Walker, and Myers-Walls
2000). Since September, children as young
as 2 have learned to connect planes
with crashing into buildings, even if their parents thought those children had
no exposure to the event.
There are special risks when entire families are traumatized.
As one parent asked, How do I explain it to the children when I
don't understand it myself? This response seems to be consistent with responses
of parents who feel vulnerable and under attack (Myers-Walls).
A danger in those situations is that a cycle of silence can result.
Children have a natural tendency to try to get back to routine and
normal life as soon as possible. They
look for something predictable and familiar.
Children also may show delayed reactions to trauma. When they do either of those things, though,
adults may interpret the reaction to mean that the children are not upset.When the adults are also traumatized, they are
relieved that the children seem to be doing okay.They avoid bringing up the trauma.When the children are ready to talk, they see
that the parents don't want to talk about it.
The result is that both parents and children do not deal adequately
with their stress and trauma (Dyregrov).
Because of the dangers of the cycle of silence, parents
need to communicate to the children that they are willing to talk about
the stressful event and about the family's reaction to it.It is not necessary to give a lecture or provide
a long list of facts, but children need to know that they can talk to their
parents or other supportive adults. They
need to talk about feelings and begin to understand events.Misunderstandings can be problematic. Related to the events of September 2001, one
five-year-old confused the words hijacker and kayaker.The only way parents can deal with such misunderstandings
is by listening to and talking with their children.
Reassure children, but be honest
Adults can, however, reassure children that adults will
do everything they can to keep the children safe.
The adults can then describe the safety precautions they are taking.
This is honest and realistic, and often this is the reassurance that
children need.It also is appropriate to introduce religious
beliefs at times like this. Beliefs
about the meaning of life and death and about the presence of a higher being
may be more meaningful at times of trauma.
Children have other emotions
During times of trauma, children are often afraid, and it is appropriate to deal with those fears. Previous attempts to help children through times of trauma have often stopped there, however. Studies of children after the Persian Gulf War showed that children did have fears, but those studies also revealed other responses. After fears, the next most common reactions among a sample of children at that time were sadness and anger. The children were not only concerned about their own safety and well-being; they were also sad that other people were being killed and that children were losing parents. They were angry that some people had decided to fight instead of working out their problems (Myers-Walls 1991).
Take action with children
People who feel helpless and out of control will feel stress more acutely than those who have a sense of self-efficacy (Norris et al. 2001c).After a stressful or traumatic event, it is helpful for both parents and children to take some kind of action to help to put their world back in order. For younger children, this may mean acting out the traumatic events through play and drawing pictures. For adolescents, writing letters to the editor of the paper or collecting funds for people in need may be helpful. Parents can help to guide children to an action that is appropriate for the child, the family's belief system, and the community.
Reduce violence in children's lives
Being victims of violence can increase a person's sensitivity to other violent acts. Feelings of fear and threat impact lower levels of the brain, and continued exposure to those emotions can change the actual chemistry of the brain, making higher level thought less likely and more difficult (Perry 1997). Continued exposure to violence also carries the risk of re-traumatizing a child (Figley 2001).
Teach about peace
Researchers have found that parents say more to their children about war than peace, and they use more action-oriented terms to do so (Myers-Walls, Myers-Bowman, and Pelo 1993).During times of international conflict and war, children are exposed to many violent methods for solving problems.Most parents would prefer that their children learn to use constructive, nonviolent methods. In order for them to learn those skills, parents need to increase their own knowledge of alternatives, expose children to nonviolent role models, and discuss alternative options when conflict occurs (Myers-Walls and Myers-Bowman 1999).
Family life educators can help to build these skills
All of the approaches listed above are skills that can be strengthened through effective family life education.Educators can help parents and teachers to monitor their own feelings and behaviors, to communicate effectively, to recognize children's reactions, to support children's emotional and intellectual development, to monitor children's play and media exposure, and to foster peacemaking skills. Family life educators can help parents, teachers, and children to minimize the trauma and maximize the positive learning experience.
References
Dyregrov, Atle.1992. Work
with traumatized children: Psychological effects and coping strategies.
Journal of Traumatic Stress 5:5-17.
Figley, Charles.2001. The
role of major life trauma in everyday life.
Presented at the Annual Council on Family Relations,
Myers-Bowman, Karen S., Kathleen Walker,
and Judith A. Myers-Walls.
2000. Children's reactions to international conflict:
A cross-cultural analysis. Presented
at the Annual Meeting of the National Council on Family Relations,
Myers-Walls,
Judith A. 1991. Parents, children, and the Persian Gulf war. Presented
as part of the symposium "Operation Desert Storm: Impact on the Home
Front" at the Annual Meeting of the National Council on Family Relations,
Myers-Walls, Judith A., and Karen S.
Myers-Bowman. 1999.Sorting through parenting education resources:
Values and the example of socially conscious parenting.
Family Science Review 12:69-86.
Myers-Walls, Judith A., Karen S. Myers-Bowman,
Kathleen Walker, and Roshan Khosravi. 2000.
Passing on the peace: Parents and
children describe war and peace.
Presented at the Annual Meeting of the National
Council on Family Relations,
Myers-Walls, Judith A.
2001. The parents' role in
educating about war and peace. In Judith Myers-Walls, Péter Somlai, and Robert Rapoport (Eds.).
Families as educators for global citizenship.Altershot:Ashgate.
Myers-Walls, Judith
A., Karen S. Myers-Bowman, and Ann E. Pelo. 1993.Parents as educators about war and peace.
Family Relations 42:66-73.
Norris, Fran H., Christopher M. Byrne, Eolia Diaz, and Krzysztof Kaniasty.2001a.The range, magnitude, and duration of effects of natural and human-caused disasters: A review of the empirical literature.
Norris, Fran H., Christopher M. Byrne,
Eolia Diaz, and Krzysztof Kaniasty.2001b.Risk factors for adverse outcomes
in natural and human-caused disasters: A
review of the empirical literature.
Norris, Fran H., Christopher M. Byrne,
Eolia Diaz, and Krzysztof Kaniasty.2001c.Psychosocial resources in the
aftermath of natural and human-caused disasters: A review of the empirical
literature, with implications for intervention .
UNICEF.1999. Children
in conflict.
Author
Judith A. Myers-Walls, Associate Professor and Extension Specialist, Child Development and Family Studies, Purdue University, W. Lafayette, Indiana..
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